In June of 2017 I walked out of a gynecologist’s office in tears after being told I was going through early menopause. I was diagnosed with premature ovarian insufficiency and was told if I wanted to have children, I would need a donor egg. Although my biggest dream wasn’t to have kids, this floored me in ways I’d never known. It’s one thing to be undecided about wanting children and another to be told you can’t have them (at least not in the traditional sense).
I struggled internally, questioning many of my life choices; “why did I wait so long?” “Is this some sort of karma for all those times I said I didn’t want kids?” As an Acupuncturist, I was aware of the many ways to address infertility, but I knew this was far beyond just a physical imbalance. I came to face the reality that I could no longer file away my deep seated fears around having kids. My deepest fear being the loss of a child. Before I was born I had a brother who passed at 6 months old.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve questioned how my mom survived that and managed to become the strongest person I know. Then I met Jacqueline @sweetbeetacu an Acupuncturist specializing in fertility, and everything changed. She was a strong voice of reason and empathy, who’s knowledge and practical guidance helped me understand what was happening in my body. She helped me make peace with my process and I was able get to a place where I felt grounded enough to begin doing the emotional work.
I dove deeper into prayer and meditation, sought out Spiritual Counseling, Reiki, Intuitive Healing, and was able to work through my fears. 3 months after I started treatment with Jacqueline, I found out I was pregnant. My son is now 10 months old and I still moments of fear and anxiety around losing him but that’s all they are, moments. Uncertainty will always be there but it no longer holds so much power over me. If you’re struggling with fertility issues I will tell you a diagnosis is not destiny. You are powerfuI and I believe when we sign up to heal, whatever resources we need will show up.
